Number Seventy Nine: Resentment

79
voluptuous strawberries
nourished from
the corpses beneath them.


Lesson # 79

Things go wrong, and people get hurt.
What are you to do
when you get wounded?
Wounds can fester.
Choosing resentment only makes
the wound more toxic.

It is up to you. Somehow,
choose love, forgiveness, compassion.
Hold up your end,
but then let it go when
you are not met in kind.
Do your part,
feel your pain,
and then just move on.

From: 81 Lessons from the Tao Te Ching


Number 79 Resentment

In both personal and international relationships
there is always wounding
And those wounds can leave scars of resentment
sometimes stretching across centuries

It has got to stop now
with you
From now on fulfil your obligations
and let go of the need to have others around fulfil their end of the deal
Let go of the resentment when they fail to meet your expectations
because your resentment will only poison you
and only extend your suffering

Do your part and move on
Don’t be the one blaming complaining procrastinating and not following through

The Universe will unfold as it will regardless
but you need to respect and love that person in the mirror

SEVENTY NINE

To harmonize great enemies
We must possess that which far surpasses enmity.
We must be able to be at peace
In order to be active in Love.
That is why the self-controlled man holds the left-hand portion of the contract but does not insist upon the other man producing his portion.
He who is virtuous may rule by a contract,
He whose virtue is within may rule by destroying it.
Akin to Heavenly Tao is Inner Life.
A constant giver is the man who loves.

Isabella Mears, The Tao Teh King, A Tentative Translation from the Chinese, William McLellan, Glascow, 1916.


Number 79 (commentary) But what about me?

You need to grow up.
Look, we all have that little unseen voice inside who is blaming, feeling slighted, bossy; who never had enough and really needed just a little more; who is nursing old wounds and seeking revenge for past hurts.
If you want to walk the path, if you want to break your self-imposed chains of suffering, you must let the past go. All of the past, the past hurt, the past betrayal, the past hour, the past decade.
All of it.
Take responsibility for the commitments you make. Take satisfaction in accomplishing the things you set out to do. Make amends and resolve to do better when you fail. Stop worrying about whether others are holding up their end. Stop comparing and feeling superior because you did your part or guilty because you didn’t.
You do not need to be narcissistically, perfectly mirrored by others.
Only you know if you are a person of virtue and integrity.
Only you know that you are worth forgiving for not being perfect.
And that is enough.

Tangent and Tool #79, But what about my rage? A question and a reflection: “Why can’t I be good?” What is sin? For some religious traditions, it is sex, for others sensual pleasure, and for most of them it is venturing outside the norms of the church. But there are subtle New Age sins. Also. It is easy to misunderstand the ‘rules’ in more meditatively based spiritual traditions and assume that anger or any strong emotion is bad. For Lao Tsu, it is up to you to decide what leading a life aligned with integrity means. But then you must act in accordance with those internal beliefs. That is all that is required to walk the path of virtue. It’s not about being neutral, quiet, or good all the time.
So, what do we do with our anger, as we witness the wanton destruction of our Earth for the profit of a sheltered, privileged and uncaring few billionaires? Anger invites us to act. Taking action in this world is. In full alignment with Lao Tsu’s beliefs. That is why he focuses so much on leadership. He invites us to choose to act in the time of action, but then to let go of the anger which inspires us to act, when the moment requires something else. We don’t have to hang out in bitterness rehearsing all the things we want to say. After taking action, it is ok to let that red energy go. Don’t worry, there is enough suffering and environmental abuse so that your anger will be accessible when you need it to fuel your future actions. But at 3AM, or when eating dinner, or when petting your dog, it is time to let that anger leave. Holding on to anger when it is not required only makes the rest of your life a living hell.